Mental Health Moments: Mental Health Habits I Plan to Take With Me in 2021
⌛ By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛
In 2020, I placed a major emphasis on my mental health. I have intensely focused on my generalized anxiety disorder for at least five years, and I feel as though I have made momentous strides in uncovering my authenticity and purpose.
That has not come without feelings of despair, loneliness, regret, guilt, and combinations of all of the above and more emotions. I’ve put in countless hours and have developed into a mental health advocate every step of the way.
I am by no means perfect. As someone who struggles with her self image conjured by ideals of unrelenting high standards and perfectionism, I can honestly say that this is a wholly IMPERFECT path. I don’t have a road map, and sometimes, I’m lost in the wilderness of my mind as I try to make heads or tails of the fragments of a map in front of me.
I learned so much about myself in 2020, and I am still unpacking that internal wisdom as I craft my internal annual report’s year-in-review letter and writing in my journal. One thing is certain, though: I will never be the same person I was when the new year began. So much has shaped me individually, professionally, and collectively with everyone else on Earth.
“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” -- Alice in Wonderland.
I already shared five lessons I learned in 2020 in a previous blog post. Here are a few elements of 2020 that I plan to carry with me in 2021:
Less and less time on social media and my phone in general.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this: when I was in my 20s, I was addicted to how much social media engagement I could garner. This wasn’t just for my job, but I think monitoring social media channels and devising a complementary strategy contributed to the issues I had. I have always struggled with confidence, and in my younger days, I used social media to feel better about my career, my writing, the way I looked, my interests, relationships, lack of relationships, and the list could go on and on. I checked my phone constantly. If iPhones tracked screen time at around that time, I know I would be pushing 8 or so hours on my phone. Sure, I managed to work. Somehow. (That was all I did, honestly.) But, I would kill SO MUCH valuable time on my iPhone 6 Plus, from posting on Instagram to playing “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.” (No shame, really.) I enjoy being in the real world, from taking a walk with my son in our new neighborhood when the weather is nice to writing in my journal. I like being away from screens, and in 2021, I will continue to be part of the real world.
More time focusing on my health.
When I was younger, I had the luxury of naiveté and time on my side. Now, at 32, I am beginning to notice some old bad habits have had ramifications. First and foremost, if you don’t feel great, that carries over into your work and personal life. As someone with generalized anxiety disorder, I have been focusing on how I can holistically improve my mental health. I have news for you, folks: you have to look at every part of yourself to decide to make changes or keep things the same. This isn’t always easy. This year was so formative for me, as I spent most of it with a baby growing inside me. My health was a topsy-turvy carnival ride, and I went from being able to eat whatever I want to closely monitoring my sugar intake. Now, because I was mostly on a keto-esque diet, my cholesterol is higher. It’s a Catch 22. The important thing is to not avoid health-related issues but to address them head-on. I am not naturally good at this. No one wants to be prodded with needles to test your A1C levels to ensure that you don’t have Type 2 Diabetes after gestational diabetes. I don’t want to give up cheese and exercise regularly. I don’t want to be my own health advocate. These are all aspects of life that you have to adopt, especially in your 30s onward, to maintain a healthy lifestyle. After all, I have to teach MY OWN KID how to be healthy. If that’s not motivation, I don’t know what will be.
Less time being a perfectionist.
It’s so weird to even be writing this. You have been on my perfectionism journey with me since I began these Mental Health Moments blog posts. It’s been cathartic to write about my experiences with perfectionism, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and the entire gamut of unhealthy (and sometimes, healthy) behaviors that accompany each of them. I will always struggle with perfectionism in some capacity, but I have spent hours this year in therapy and have reinvigorated my love of journal writing -- away from the prying eyes of the Internet and for my benefit as I recover from some relatively severe blockades.
Some days will not be this illustrious landscape of a picture-perfect timeline of events. Sometimes, I will have to focus more on work and less on my family. Other days, my mom and wife roles will supersede my CEO. The bottom line is that I created this business for flexibility and a versatile structure. As long as I accomplish internal and clients’ goals and objectives and meet deadlines, then what is there to worry about? I am a master planner, so I have been attempting to use it for good. All of the planning and working my butt off have culminated into these moments. I have to look at perfectionism like this: When I am engrossed in a story, I do not want a Mary Sue type character (think Rey from “Star Wars”). I think it’s boring when a character does everything right all the time. As a human going through life, you won’t know all the answers instantly. You will make mistakes, take the long way around, and want to sleep because you’re overwhelmed. You will hurt people’s feelings, make terrible decisions, and find your own redemption arcs. Look at yourself like you would if you were reading a story, playing a video game, or watching a movie. You’re more interesting if you’re imperfect. Just saying.
More time living in the present moment.
I want to carry a new mantra into 2021: “Memento Vivere/Remember to Live.” I have spent the majority of my life dwelling on the past or dreaming of the future -- so much so that I sacrificed my happiness in the present. A strange thing happens when you become a mother, besides somehow making it through the day with limited sleep and thinking (well, KNOWING) that your child is the best child ever created. It helped me realize that I wanted to live more in the present. These are the moments I craved my entire life, and I never want to take them for granted. The past few years have served as building blocks for me to continue to craft the life I want to live. While remaining connected to the work is vital to my life and career, I know when to stop working for a while to spend time with my husband and son. That is clarity that I didn’t have until giving birth to Luke.
Less time people pleasing but truly listening to what people need.
As a communicator, one would think that I would always be an active listener who focuses on two-way communication. I will be the first to tell you that I am not always the most effective listener. I have a tendency to be defensive when I feel attacked (even when I am not being attacked, to be honest). I can make things about myself instead of listening to the issues at hand. Despite all of this, I recognize unhealthy behaviors and am working toward using the same skill sets on a personal level through therapy, writing, and making a concerted effort to actually listen. Professionally, I have honed my active listening skills, especially when it comes to reading clients’ and other target audiences’ behaviors and thought processes without them even having to tell me. I have always aimed to be an empathetic leader, but 2020 offered more opportunities to truly listen to the narratives of those unheard from in the past. In 2021, I want to continue to learn more about being a better human to other humans.
One thing I still need to be very mindful of, even as time becomes increasingly precious, is to not be a people pleaser. I naturally want to help people, but there have been countless times in which that sentiment has been taken advantage of. In 2020, I learned to let go of what doesn’t serve me, my company, or my greater purpose. When you can put it in those terms, it’s easy to streamline what matters to you. And people will become angry, but you know your heart. Listen to it, and it will pay dividends.
What did you learn about yourself in 2020 that you plan to carry over into 2021?
Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning, accredited public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV, with 18 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, boy + cat mom, and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.