Ways To Eliminate Toxic Positivity

⌛  By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛

We live in a world where positivity can be harmful.

At first glance, that may seem like a weird way to lead into this blog post. But, all of us have experienced positivity that makes us uneasy or do a double take, whether we actively pay attention to this process or not. 

A bit later this month, we’ll talk more about curated imperfection and how it damages our sense of reality. For this blog post, though, I wanted to discuss toxic positivity.

You’ve seen that crazy-in-love couple on your social media newsfeeds who always post about how great their S.O. is. They may even have a combined Facebook account. You see influencers on exotic vacations, using expensive products, and collaborating in dream partnerships. You see the milestones, success stories, smiling selfies, and inspirational quotes; however, what you don’t always see are the hardships, missed opportunities, regrets, and other negative emotions.

Some people are just positive. That is a good attribute to have! When someone is 100 percent positive at all waking moments, however, that can be a cause for concern.

By definition, toxic positivity means that someone remains positive at all times, and that is the only mindset they identify with. They live their lives without any negative emotions, and when negativity strikes, they can avoid it entirely to banish its existence in their lives.

I don’t know about you, but it’s easy to get sucked into this positive-only mindset. Some of us want to be positive so badly that we will put little white lies that don’t tell the entire truths of who we are on our social media accounts. We’ll have affirmations on our iPhone lock screens that tell us to “Dream big, work hard” and other iterations to help light a fire under us when we don’t feel as motivated as we “should” or “could.”

Many multi-level marketing companies, for instance, use toxic positivity to sell their products and keep their consultants in line (pun intended). In Lillian Lalo’s “Toxic Positivity” podcast, she delves into how toxic positivity and other behaviors are detrimental to those in MLMs and in general. (Give it a listen -- it’s really good!)

Even if you’re not in an MLM, how can you live a more authentic life and then portray that in your real and digital lives?

Acknowledge your negative feelings.

In order to know how you feel, start identifying the types of feelings and thoughts you’re experiencing. While many of us rely on a positive or negative scale, mental health experts advise that we don’t put a good or bad slant to our feelings. Instead, they recommend that we look at our feelings as guidance. In a job environment, it’s so easy to go down a dark path when you submit a proposal, and a potential client decides to go with someone else. Perhaps you went above and beyond to try to show them that you are the right fit for the company’s overall plan. Try looking at it this way: You will have clients that completely value you for your attention to detail and that you are dedicated to their missions. Rejection means that you are taking risks, and they don’t always pan out. On the flip side of things, if you do win that account, then you can look at what you feel like you did well with the proposal and what you wish you would have done. Both are learning experiences, and it’s vital to listen to your feelings and emotions without judgment. I know, it’s easier said than done.

Don’t avoid how you feel.

Once you know how you’re feeling or thinking, it’s important to not let that thought process go by the wayside. Do something about it! Avoiding negativity at all costs will not help you grow as a person. When you hear how awesome you are at something, all of the time, it begins to skew your viewpoints and could give you a superiority complex. You see yourself as less than flawed, and you will take any action necessary to not listen to negativity. If you’re a writer, pay attention to both the positive and negative reviews of your work. Every person on Earth will not love your writing style, and that is OK. Handle the feedback with grace and an objective eye. You can learn something from the constructive criticism (and honestly, probably outright trolling, too), even if you end up not agreeing or taking others’ advice on the matter. If something makes you mad, then go with that flow. If you're happy, then don’t thwart that. I have a tendency to suppress my excitement. I used to be SO excitable, even over the smallest of things. Over time, though, my cynicism and realistic nature have both caught up to me, and now, I have a fear of getting excited. I don’t want to be disappointed if something doesn't pan out. That leads to a lifetime of anxiety, depression, and self-sabotage. Go with the flow of your feelings, no matter how difficult it may be.

Communicate.

It’s vital to talk about how you are feeling. That doesn’t mean you have to talk about it with everyone under the sun, and you can still be selective in what you share with the world. Just be authentic when you communicate in positive and negative situations. I like to think of myself as someone who is authentic as a business owner and just a human being. I’m going to be honest with you when I state what I will and won’t post about for various reasons, but I always allow interns and employees to see the true inner workings of Hourglass Media. I communicate with them about what works and when things aren’t so great. It’s important to have that balance and to keep people in the loop. I don’t post my entire work and personal lives on social media, but I am very up front about that. You will get photos of cats, work-related content, clouds, my travels, and other life happenings. You won’t see identifiable photos of my son, anxiety-fueled rants, or the ins and outs of my marriage. I will tell you about having these behaviors, but I really have been going back to the basics lately with communication. I keep certain things really close to my heart and out of the public eye -- both positive and negative things.

And, of course, communication can be helpful as you attempt to figure out how you think or feel about a particular subject. You’ll gain clarity, whether it’s a pleasant or challenging conversation. 

Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning, accredited public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV with 18 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, Luke’s mom, cat mom, and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.