Mental Health Moments: How To Be Your Own Valentine
⌛ By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛
I’ll be honest. For years, I struggled with loving myself. On bad days, I still struggle with this. On good days, I still struggle with this.
My stubborn inability to love myself caused so much internal heartache and bad decision-making on several fronts. I didn’t realize until my late 20s how vital it is to actually like yourself, much less love yourself. I couldn’t grasp this concept as an overachieving, self-deprecating perfectionist.
If I couldn’t love myself, then how could I expect to love someone else unconditionally?
It’s the season of love, so it’s the perfect time to learn to love yourself more.
Here are three ways you can be your own Valentine:
Write notes to yourself.
Usually, I write in my journal when I am upset or have to work through a more negative thought process. Compared to negativity, positivity makes a cameo appearance in my journals. Why is this? Throughout my life, I never was comfortable with complimenting myself. This is due, at least in part, to feeling like I would over-exert that positive power and end up sounding arrogant, rude, and undeserving. The thing is, how often do we let others read our journals? Sure, we may cringe at something at a later date when we have more insight on life. But, does that really matter in the grand scheme of things? Use your journal as a springboard to think more positively about yourself. Write about what you like about yourself, your accomplishments, and other relevant information. I’ve also written letters to myself on Post-Its and placed them in jars to read at the end of the year. This method satisfies the writer in me while also promoting self-love.
Take yourself on dates.
Anyone who knows me knows that I hate to do these types of things alone. I used to think that eating alone and doing certain activities alone were depressing. Now, I relish the alone time in the midst of the madness of workdays and just the overall chaos presented by life. Recently, I was in between meetings, so I decided to eat at a local restaurant alone. It was actually nice because I could sit and ruminate. I enjoy conversation as much as the next person, but there are times that silence is golden. So, at some point this month, take yourself out somewhere. It could be your favorite restaurant or to that movie you’ve been dying to see. The point is, you have to at least have some level of comfortable confidence in yourself in order to do two-person things alone on occasion.
Be honest with yourself.
This complements the first tip of writing notes to yourself, but it also encompasses what also isn’t working in your life. Set aside some time and make a list of what is working and what isn’t. What you want to achieve and what you are willing to let go of as you fall more in life with your purpose and current goals. Accept what you cannot change, and change what you can, especially if fear is holding you back or you don’t have a clear direction to your next destination. Being honest with yourself means having those uncomfortable conversations with yourself, a therapist, or someone else you trust. You owe to the little child version of yourself to figure out how to heal from your past, be an actual willing participant in your present, and prepare for the future you have imagined (and that you deserve).
Here are some other ideas on how you can be your own Valentine:
Take a day trip.
Have an engaging conversation with a loved one without a digital device standing in the way.
Drink more water.
Make a list of your favorite affirmations.
Spend some time with your furbaby.
Schedule a health-related appointment you’ve been putting off (It’s Heart Month. Just saying.)
Do something outside of your comfort zone once a day every day for a month.
Begin to dig into your family history and heritage.
Watch your favorite movies.
Buy yourself flowers.
Make your favorite comfort foods on occasion, but also eat healthier on a consistent basis.
Get a massage.
Buy a new power outfit or piece of makeup.
Volunteer for a local nonprofit.
Host a Galentine’s Day event.
Fill in the blank with your own ideas: _______________________
Please note: These blog posts are not clinical, although we will provide symptoms and other information. These posts are based on my experiences with anxiety and mental health in general. If you or someone you know needs help, visit a website like Mental Health America to learn more.
Mental Health Moments blog posts are every other Tuesday of the month. Our CEO and contributors highlight what it's like to live with a mental health disorder and continue to fight the stigma through storytelling.
Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV with nearly 16 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, cat mom and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.