How I Found My Dual Purpose as a Mom and CEO
⌛ By Kaylin R. Staten ⌛
One year ago, my life completely changed forever.
I gave birth to my favorite little human in the universe: my son, Luke. While my entire world flipped on its axis (and then back and forth with the ebbs and flows of life), I wouldn’t change it for anything. I feel like I could write a plethora of insightful things that have helped me get through this first year, but I want to remain as clear and to the point as possible, without the sentimentality of all of these mom emotions that eternally flow out of me.
One of the main aspects I wasn’t expecting was how Hourglass Media would need to evolve with a new purpose in life. Through every life event, my career and company have shifted, and my life’s mission is to “live what I love despite fear.” And oh, that mission has been tested for the past year!
On one hand, I have felt like I’m constantly on cloud nine with this little human my husband and I created. I wake up every day and am amazed that I am the mom of this growing, adventurous boy. On the other hand, it has been challenging to balance motherhood, being a CEO of my company, and addressing all of the other adult responsibilities that end up on my plate (self-induced or not). The kicker, too, has been that we have all be in the midst of a global pandemic since early 2020. And then there’s the traditional and outdated way we look at women — that they sometimes can’t balance motherhood and a career.
I do think my company was made for this moment. It’s the reason I created Hourglass Media: so I can live my own version of a successful life.
When I was a little girl and played with my Barbies (or let’s be real here… when I was in my 20s and played “Sims 3”), I envisioned my version of a perfect life to be this: Working incredibly hard and being good at a career you love, finding someone to share your life with, having a child or two, maintaining a beautiful home you can be proud of, traveling around the world, writing and being creative. I am on that journey.
What have I learned after a full year of being a new mom, the CEO of an always growing company, and a communicator (and human) in an ever-changing landscape? Here are three takeaways:
My time is more precious than ever.
As a PR practitioner, I am used to handing over campaign assets and other information to target audiences on a silver platter. I have always been prepared to a fault, even when it has been to the detriment of my mental health. When you’re a parent -- especially a sleep-deprived one -- you don’t have the time that you used to have. I scoff and snicker simultaneously when I recall how I used to say, “I don’t have enough time.” The Present Kaylin would like to rewind to Past Kaylin’s internal and external dialogues on the subject and call BS. There was always time. I just didn’t know how to properly manage it. Now, I have limited time to work. That is the reality in a COVID-19 world, where you could be afraid to ask for help both at home and in daycares (raised hand here). I have been SO fortunate to split baby duties with my husband while we both work from home. All of this has made me realize that boundary setting is essential.
Pro tip: If I work during the evenings, I rarely send an email or other communication, unless time is actually of the essence. Instead, I schedule emails to go out the next day. You have to practice what you preach, and if sticking to your work hours is vital to your company and your sanity, then keep those boundaries in place. I discovered that I test my own boundaries constantly. When you have to choose between taking a shower and getting a couple of hours of sleep during the newborn phase, you choose the sleep most of the time! My workday looks drastically different now than before I was a mom. In my previous life, I could flit from task to task and go anywhere I wanted at any time. I still panic over not being able to do things on my own terms anymore. There are times that I want to work, but I can’t because I have to take care of Luke. There are so many times in which I feel like I am not doing a good job with anything. I want to give up, but I know that nothing in life that is worth having is easy. So, I plan to keep going with every ounce of resilience I have. After becoming a mom (and also experiencing two miscarriages), I know I have incredible fortitude and will do anything possible to get everything done. I just may have to have a panic attack first and then lament “woe is me” soliloquies to my husband. NBD.
I know my worth.
Look, I will get right down to it. I am now responsible for taking care of my son, and I know my value. There is nothing like a set of baby eyes that look like yours to let you know that you are worth the world. Luke didn’t set out to make me more confident in life and business, but I think it’s a natural byproduct of becoming a mom. Along with the realization of time, I have had the come-to-Jesus moments with clients and others during this yearlong timeframe. I always used to assess clients on a quarterly basis internally, but it has become more vital to do so as the Hourglass team continues to grow. I began to realize that if a client or other relationship was heavily stressing me out, that was a red flag. I began to ask myself the hard questions when I was feeding Luke in the middle of the night: Is this client relationship moving the needle with our established communications plan? Do I feel like I am being treated like the expert in the situation -- like what Hourglass Media was hired to do? How are their attitudes when I have to deal with them? How do I feel when I have to work on these campaigns or projects? What is the cost-benefit analysis of keeping them on board or wishing them well and sending them to their own versions of greener pastures? At the end of the day, I know the worth I bring to the table, as well as subcontractors, colleagues, and Hourglass Media as a whole. We have increased our rates to match our capabilities, and if an RFP doesn’t sound like a good fit (for a small or large reason), we can politely pass and wait for the right fit to come along. I feel like I don’t have time to go the bathroom some days when I am chasing after my son, so I certainly don’t have time to ignore red flags!
My passions have shifted.
At my core, I still aim to fulfill my life’s mission every day: To live what I love without fear. What I didn’t anticipate would be that the paths to that aspiration would change! Everyone told me that I would “feel” and “be” different once I had a child. I would roll my eyes, scoffing because they didn’t know me. They didn’t know what was in my head and what I was capable of… until I did have a child. I discovered that I am not linear. I don’t just need work to fulfill my life’s purpose. I always had these pillars of passion that showcased my importance on facets of my life. I just didn’t realize the magnitude of how multifaceted I could be.
Nothing gives you that perspective like typing a magazine article on your phone with one hand and feeding your baby a bottle with the other hand. I spent so many nighttime feedings writing, researching potential clients, doing secondary research for projects. I realized then that I wanted to work smarter and not harder. I used to be a workaholic, and in many ways, I fight myself on this on a daily basis. I think I should work constantly, but I have realized that work was a coping mechanism to keep my anxious and depressive mind at bay. I have always thought people will think I’m lazy if I don’t work 24/7/365, and I will admit that I used to judge parents in the workplace. I didn’t think they worked as hard. Now, I know that most of them work HARDER. Not only do you have to balance your work responsibilities, but you have extra mouths to feed, bills on the table, activities to ensure that your children get to on time, etc. (I feel bad for this judgment, and I know that what I felt was envy because I craved having my own family since I was a little girl.) I’ve learned to be less judgmental because all of us have different paths on our journeys. My path toward unhealthy workaholism is completed, although I still struggle with those 9-to-5 expectations. I have now forged a new one, where I can work strategically, hard, and creatively while also spending quality time with my husband and son. I work when my son is sleeping and ask for help when work obligations fall outside of those parameters. And I can’t tell you how many times I have been on mute and off camera in meetings because I have had to change a dirty diaper or do something else for my son. Just for the record, too, he is usually very well-behaved and is a perfect sidekick.
I have a newfound passion for helping parents (specifically moms because I know this journey oh so well) who are the owners of their own companies still manage to do both roles simultaneously. So, with that being said, Hourglass Media will further hone its niche audiences and offerings. We will keep a hybrid structure because that worked well for the company well before the pandemic. I want to keep the mentality that you can work any time from anywhere -- as long as there is some structure to it.
Since August 2020, I have been reminded over and over again of why I created Hourglass Media during this first year of my multi-purposed life. I can be flexible while taking on clients and niches that mean the most to me and the company at large. At the end of the day, I ask myself if it’s something that will fit in one of my pillars. If I take time away from my son (who is my rainbow baby at that), I want to make sure it’s worthwhile. I want to be here with him as he grows up while also showing him what hard work and other factors can help you achieve in life. It’s not pretty or perfect most of the time, but this is the life I have always wanted and am aiming toward my mission every day.
Kaylin R. Staten, APR, is an award-winning, accredited public relations practitioner and writer based in Huntington, WV, with 18 years of professional communications experience. As CEO and founder of Hourglass Media, she uses her compassionate spirit and expertise to delve into the heart of clients’ stories. She is a recovering perfectionist, mental health advocate, wife, boy + cat mom, and Leia Organa aficionado. Connect with Kaylin on LinkedIn.